I want to be happy but circumstances do not let me be happy

  • Do you relate to this?
  • Does your happiness depend on circumstances?
  • Are you inflicted with negativity around you?
  • You don’t know how to be happy always?
  • Are there some specifics that can make you happy?

I am not asking you these questions; I am asking you to ask these questions to yourself. You may not have the answers, but it will help you unknot your feelings.

We all love the popular song by Bobby McFerrin titled “Don’t Worry, Be Happy.” It’s a great sentiment. If we could all stop worrying and choose to be happy, that would be wonderful, but for some people, it’s not as simple, as it sounds to be! There are circumstances, over which we have no control and are majorly responsible for our unhappiness. We can’t stop worrying about these. This is the real obstacle when situations or circumstances, lead to worry, negativity, and unhappiness. Most of us use these as justification. We want to be happy but something or the other thing in life makes us unhappy, frustrated, or negative. Thus, leaving very little choice to you to be happy.

But you should choose it! Come what may!!

So, how do you be happy in adversity?

Happiness like all things may be created and chosen; so, the first thing you need to do is commit to choosing happiness. But before that, you need to evaluate your barriers in the process.

Do you feel that your life is too complicated?

There are time & resources constraint, relationship-related complexities, bosses irritate you, colleagues are jealous, children bug you, your wife nags you…what not! All of us have all of these. These are can’t be omitted but can be tackled, this will help. You need to simplify your life without compromising your values or standards. You are not answerable to anyone else, except yourself. Indeed, we want to please our near and dear ones but in the effort of pleasing everyone, aren’t we sacrificing our lives? In the process, you need to find ways to simplify your life, which will provide you with more peace and happiness.

Are you into too many things at a time? If yes, spread it out. You should not try to achieve too much too fast.

Though it is good to have some objectives in life, however, it’s important to take one step at a time. You can’t do everything at once despite living in a technology-driven fast-paced world that inherently puts pressure on us to achieve goals. We are expected to do everything and have everything in a nanosecond. It’s not realistic to accomplish things instantly, life is not like Maggi’s two-minute Noodles. Believe, that achieving success is a time-consuming process and for that, you need to work on your goals step by step. That way, you don’t have to worry about rushing to get to the finish line today.

Another big barrier in your happiness journey is an attitude that you may be having is holding on to “negativity”. You become a prisoner of your resentment if you don’t work towards overcoming it. As resentment or negativity erupts from all over – your thoughts, your surroundings, your workplace, your club, your friends, your social media…anywhere. But you need to hold on to the thought:

“I will no longer allow the negative things in my life to spoil all of the good things I have. I choose to be HAPPY.”

Understandably, you may have a hard time with negative or intrusive thoughts if you struggle with depression. If that’s the case, therapy can help.

Harbouring anger or resentment holds you as a prisoner unto yourself. Chronic toxic thoughts can weigh you down. If you’re having trouble with persistent negative thought patterns, a therapist can help you address these. You can learn to re-frame them using types of techniques such as thought records.

Sometimes this negativity stems from a workplace, Instagram, medication, alcohol, covid, kids, or even drugs. Learning about your response to life by keeping track of the facts as if it was a site map can help you understand what program or policies are helping your mental health.

So how can you do that?

You need to make a plan where you do something small every day to build towards that dream life and know that when you get there. You may feel happier by doing this but remember, life is a journey and you have to appreciate the climb, not just the view from the top.

The most important thing you will ever learn is this: You will never be happy if you think something else or someone else will make you happy. A new job won’t make you happy, and neither will a new partner, house, holiday, object, or pet. That’s not happiness, that’s your reaction to the happening or circumstances.

Happiness in long term is a choice to enjoy and appreciate circumstances and not regret them.

Happiness is all around you, you need to just explore it!