Here are 4 tips for a happy long-term relationship from the book, “Happy Together: Using the Science of Positive Psychology to Build Love That Lasts”, authored by husband-and-wife team James Pawelski, a philosopher and professor of practice in the University of Pennsylvania’s Positive Psychology Center, and science writer Suzann Pileggi Pawelski.
Focus On Supporting Each Other, Not Completing
Thousands of years ago, Plato put forth the idea that humans were once a body made of two heads, four arms and feet. One day, they angered the Gods who split their bodies into half. Now they were condemned to spend the rest of their lives looking for their other half.
Aristotle, however, believed that love is not about completing each other but about supporting and embracing. Happy Ho organizes best Meditation and Tarot classes in Noida and Delhi NCR area in India.
When it comes to completing your partner, you might just end up becoming a pile of qualities that they don’t have. But when it comes to supporting your partner, you might become the much needed push in their lives to achieve what they didn’t have, on their own.
Passion Should Be Harmonious, Not Obsessive
Most media glorifies the idea of obsessive passion – wrapping your arms around your partner all the time, following them wherever they go. But such an idea usually stems from deep rooted insecurity, from wanting to be assured all the time that your partner loves you and will not leave you.
Harmonious passion, on the other hand, rests on trust, on knowing that you and your partner actually love each other even if you aren’t holding hands or around each other all the time. Such a passion encourages two people to have their individual space and yet be together at the end of the day. Intimate sharing helps a couple develop such a space.
Savour Positive Experiences
Often when a happy moment comes our way, we savour it for a split second and then release it immediately. The trick, however, lies in savouring the positive experience for as long as possible.
So when your partner gives you some good news, ask them more about it so that the celebrations keeps going on. When a meal tastes good or a bath with your partner is relaxing, just let yourself enjoy it thoroughly.
You could also make a scrapbook of all your positive experiences with your partner, so that you can revisit and savour them anytime.
The more gratitude you’ll express towards your partner, the more you’ll be able to get the best of them. Each time you thank them for something they did, remember to also mention the qualities that made them capable of doing what they did – “Thank you for teaching me how to cook Israeli food better. You are such a good motivator and teacher!”
You could also try writing down three things that you were grateful for at the end of each day. This activity helps you go through your entire day and pick all the good bits.
We all have issues in our relationships. But if we focus more on brightening the rights, we might end up fixing the dark patches along the way!