Nandita Kochar
1. Perhaps, you are already alone and are not willing to acknowledge this. The situation you fear has already happened several times. To put things out would just mean realizing and accepting that which has been you reality for a long time. At least, now you’d actually just be alone with yourself and not in the company of a dear one. Happy Ho organizes best Meditation and Tarot classes in Noida and Delhi NCR area in India.
2. Exiting the relationship would make you experience emotional and physical loneliness completely, yes? But aren’t you already going through it – feeling misunderstood or not understood in his company or having meaningless sex with her. You are already there, making yourself go through what you fear the most. It’s time you actually experienced the horrors of having a dinner all by yourself. Because that’s what you’ve been doing with him present, right?
3. You are scared that even in your next relationship, the honeymoon phase will end and this person too will be flawed (and hence needing a lot of work). You make yourself believe that all lovers are flawed so what’s the point of investing in another one when you could just put that effort into making the current one better? Why start from scratch?
But what you are missing out on is that relationships are just like movies or hotels (yes, you need to think of them like that to get out of this “all lovers are flawed” trap). And there is always a better movie and a better hotel. You just need to have the intent to find these. There’s always something better or worse, always.
4. It is much better to be there by yourself, holding your ground than being in a relationship which is just for namesake, where all chords have broken long time back.
5. Not wanting to exit an already dead relationship somewhere, deep down, implies that we do not feel that we are deserving of something better, of someone with whom we feel things. We just want to hold onto this one tightly because who knows when we’ll find someone who will love someone like us. If we really appreciated ourselves then we would have admitted long time back, to both our partners and ourselves, that we deserve better.
6. You might end up stretching this relationship but for how long can you do that? Eventually fights will become more frequent, sleeping in separate beds will become a norm and being in the same room yet not being in the same room will become your reality. You do realise that a relationship is made up of two parties wanting something to work? When one walks out internally, the ship does sink no matter how much of a blind eye you turn to the event.
7. End things while you can still do them sanely and politely, while you can still respect both you and your partner. Don’t drag things to a point where you’re so drained to talk and exit that you just exit after an ugly fight. Both of you deserve a decent closure.
Trust me, dragging things might give you the comfort of a second or two, but slowly it is taking you towards a fight with your partner after which both of you will become strangers. And you don’t want a previously dear person in your life to become a person to whom you don’t even walk up to when you see him in public. That’s downright painful.
Final Word
A healthy relationship is not the one where you don’t have fights or where you do not lose your temper once in a while. A healthy relationship is where you don’t keep doubting whether to be on the ship or not, every single day; where you don’t keep searching for articles like these to give you the much needed push to exit a relationship.
