We constantly live our lives through our relationships and the intimate relationships are very crucial for our well being. The best relationships are those where couples are supportive and kind and sometimes willing to turn a deaf ear or a blind eye.
In fact the success of every relationship is built on selective acts of blindness and deafness and bouts of forgetfulness.
Transparency and honesty are commendable qualities in principle, but when translated to reality, the blinding light they throw on families and relationships is too harsh a glare to bear up to. Very few can take that kind of blinding truth in their stride.
A relationship, in order to be successful, needs sheltering from harsh truths and a glossing over the less palatable bits. It requires guarded pockets of retreat that are out-of-bounds for even those closest to us.
Love clamours to own and possess, a need that ironically ends up stifling and choking the relationship that is thus exposed and owned. True happiness lies in connecting to elements that appeal, and glossing over those that repel. Happyho also provide best tarot reading services in Noida and Delhi NCR India area.
So the universal truth is that all happy households conspire, and all successful relationships pretend and endure.
At the bottom of it all is the same old thing – our struggle for survival.
The definition of ‘survival’ of course has undergone a huge change. It now goes beyond mere food and shelter, to include love, comfort and self-actualisation. And once you transcend the basics and need more for mere survival, your capacity for self-reliance needs to go up accordingly.
Like the tide, you rise and ebb; a time to step forward and share, and a time to step back and guard.
The biggest fallacy is the romanticized ideal that marriage and relationships are meant to bring us happiness and contentment. Relationships are perhaps just the means to those goals, if handled properly. Happy couples are realistic about marriage. They accept responsibility for their own contentment and happiness. They understand that consistent hard work and adjustment is needed to keep a happy relationship going. They understand the need to care, make efforts to share emotions and moments, and to go the extra mile to be kind to each other.
Kindness is a critical predictor of long term happiness in a relationship. It helps a couple feel cared for and understood. On the other hand, contempt, is the leading factor that breaks up couples. Focusing on negatives and on criticizing partners, blinds you to the good points and you see negativity even where there isn’t any.
This brings us back to the selective blind-eye and deaf-ear paradigm.
The same can be said of relationships and households too. A large part of the game is management. We manage each other and our interactions. Sometimes you have to accept and live with that which cannot be cured and manage the rest to the best of your ability so as to lead a good, happy life. We ‘manage’ to lead a happy and satisfied life by shelving that which is unpalatable and beyond our management.
Focus on that which can be cured and made the most of, while taking care to arrest the growth of that which is toxic and harmful. It is all about management. The smartest amongst us are able to manage not just our individual interactions with another, but also set a rhythm and a pace for a household that keeps it together and happy.
‘Like’ married to ‘like’ is not the answer, managing the differences is.
All laughter and happiness is not the key; managing the pain and lows is.