Bednar Quotes, “To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else.”
My daughter Tanya came home slightly late the other day. When I checked, she replied, “I met my school friend Ankita in the colony and it was great catching up with her.” When I asked her, “How is she doing? Where is she working? Has she changed? How does she look? etc. Of course, so many questions offended Tanya, which is the trait of this generation. She told me that she was dressed very brightly like a kite. I asked her, “Hope you did you tell her that.” She replied, “Of course not, she will be highly offended.” She is not the one to take it lightly, like you!
Are you the one who gets offended easily over small issues, which do not even merit such an extreme reaction? In earlier days, our parents scolded us at the smallest opportunity, thinking it was their birthright. We never felt offended, probably we did not even know how to feel offended. Parents and teachers commanded that respect. Times have changed and constantly changing, bringing in generational change. But today’s generation gets offended at the slightest provocation. They are perennially agitated by peers, teachers, and parents … what to say of delivery boys, ticket checkers, salon girls, peons, and maids …the list is endless.
You are not alone here… the whole generation is afflicted with Offendinitis …anything and everything offends them. They can’t control their reaction to any given situation.
So, if you often find yourself in the position of being easily offended, you can take the following steps as an immediate measure:
- You need to evaluate your feelings.
- You need to understand why someone is being offensive.
- You should be able to recognize constructive criticism.
- Do you feel the need to go for intoxicants?
- Learn to run, walk, exercise and meditate.
- There is a need to expand your social horizons.
Before doing all the above and getting set in disciplined mode, you should talk to yourself to know why are you being offended.
It is not at all difficult, but rather quite simple like putting yourself in the “Offender’s” shoes, assuming a benevolent motive, practising detachment, learning humility, loving truth more than being right, and overcoming self-centeredness and reserve judgment.
It’s only three words: I get offended. Needs to be attended to!
You need to identify those things which easily offend you. As goes the saying: We find what we look for. And when it comes to being offended, nothing could be truer.
To me, it looks like some people are on the lookout for things to be offended by. They are just for it. It almost becomes a habit with them and, like any habit, the more you keep at it, the more it becomes an everyday part of your lives.
We need to change this attitude and our perspective. If we choose, we can change our perspective. And this isn’t just looking at the world as if the glass is half-full, it’s making a conscious decision to look at our entire life differently.
Instead of always being the victim and looking for what someone is “doing to us,” we can start looking for all the things someone is “doing for us.”
We could thank all those individuals who offend us for making us stronger, happier, and more content. Do this and the things that once irritated us will now become our teachers, guiding us toward inner peace. Again, it’s all a matter of perspective, or as Wayne Dyer says,
“Change the way you look at things and the things you look at will change”.
If you are irritated by small/ big things in life or look for situations that may offend you, you need a cure. You are suffering yourself and making others suffer around you. Habits die hard, hence it is also hard. But hard work pays. Work hard on yourself…
However, it is easier said than done but if you want to be cured from what offends you, you’ll need to stay on this prescription for the rest of your life.
What is that prescription? You need to distance yourself from your impulses to react. You can do this by becoming more of the observer and less of the participant. Meditation can help greatly. However, simply pausing is so easy to learn and practice.
Next time someone says something that might make you react: Click the pause button, and cut off your initial reaction before it overtakes you. Don’t react and don’t say anything for as long as needed until the urge to react has settled.
Certainly, it is not always your fault. It is human nature to feel offended and sometimes make people offended. The fact is, we all need space to be ourselves – to have good days and bad days, and to not always be at our best. We need the space to change, grow, and evolve, and to do it on our own time.
And the more we adopt this “big picture” attitude, the less demanding we will be of those around us, reducing the likelihood that we will be offended in the first place.
The more space we give for others to be themselves, the more space they’re likely to make for us. I know it’s a tough goal to stretch for, but it’s also one that could change the world. It’s called freedom and it’s a peaceful, energizing, and beautiful thing.
So next time you get a bout of offendinitis, practice the above.
Believe me, it’s not that difficult.