When a relationship ends, we usually find it easy to determine who untied the knots and who wished to tie it back together: the one who found a new partner or a new hobby or apartment and appeared to move on quickly did the dirty job of ending things,without experiencing an ounce of pain and the one who wished to stay, give things one more shot actually remained loyal, yet suffered. Our sympathies usually go to the latter person.
This perception of a break up is extremely naive and needs some huge makeover. It does not necessarily mean that the one who left rejected the one who stayed. The one who leaves actually withdraws love and the one who stays would prefer closeness but in foresight would prefer to stay alone than in an already dead relationship.
Between leaving and staying lies the difference between loving and indifference. When you stay when you actually wish to leave, indifference blooms in place of love. On the surface it might appear that you are together with your beloved but things are completely different underneath. You ignore their texts or calls, you respond only to not seem like a bad human being, you avoid spending time with them or if you do it’s very to the point, you obsess about them more in your fantasy, their real version scares you, you rarely feel comfortable around them. These are all signs of an already dead relationship.
Such a double show can leave the partner confused, angry and extremely hurt for there will always be a reason for you not turning up at a party or for not coming home early or for you not bringing them a present. And eventually, your indifference might drive them so crazy that they are ready to leave not because they don’t have love to offer but because you are not willing to accept it. They’ve been painfully made to believe that their partner will never meet their needs.
It’s such a burden that your partner, who actually wished to stay, does not deserve. In order to prevent such a tragic end for them, filled with guilt, you might want to consider putting a full stop before things turn out to be like this. You might want to sit down with them, let them know how you’ve been feeling and that even though you love them, you respect them more to not stay with them for the sake of it.
Such a discussion might cause them pain at first but in the longer run, they will thank you for being honest with them and for placing your respect above your love for them. Yes, you are leaving because you still value them and therefore, leaving may not be necessarily be associated with someone who is cruel but rather with someone who cares enough to not live a daily life based on absolute lies and indifference. In the end, it is this person who deserves as much of our attention as the one who wishes to stay.