One of the biggest dilemmas one faces in adult life is of settling down in life.
What is settling down in life?
: to begin to live a quiet and steady life by getting a regular job, getting married, etc.
In our times, settling down implied completing education and getting married. It was our parent’s belief system that one doesn’t get settled till he/she gets married after settling in a chosen career. Marriage became the ultimate goal of life and the scenario prevailed, till we witnessed a change in attitude during the change of the millennium. This is when women in large numbers started joining the workforce and became physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially independent. They took the role of breadwinners of the family with elan.
This is the time when they exercised their choice or inclination to get married and settle down in life. They had their independent thought process and took the onus on them to decide how to lead their lives. This attitudinal change was starkly visible throughout the generation. I don’t intend to say that marriage as an institution led to some kind of disillusionment, but people became easy about it. Now, the firmness about settling down with a career and marriage started diluting. The changed scenario led to complexities and apprehensions as the social fabric was changing. People felt marriage was a threat to the lifestyle they wanted to lead. So much so, they started fearing to settle down. After talking to a few youngsters, it was revealed that they had become commitment-phobic owing to this independent lifestyle.
Not only this, the fear of settling down may stem from a variety of things. Maybe this is your first serious relationship, and you’re starting to wonder what else is out there. Maybe your perspective on commitment is skewed because you’ve witnessed a lot of failed relationships.
It’s perfectly reasonable for someone to be content and independent, not to want to “settle down”, as you put it. Remember that only you are in control of your life – of course, you don’t “have” to get married, or have kids, or live in a two-up two-down, or whatever it is that makes you shudder.
Sometimes, when you feel that you have to find the love of your life and everything around him / her looks hunky-dory still you don’t want to take it to the next level. Facing this dilemma regarding settling down, remember you are not the only one. Thousands and thousands across the globe live in this fear. This is the state for which remedy lies with you, you need to change your thinking and analyze your circumstances before taking the plunge.
As it turns out, you’re not alone. “As a matchmaker, I see this all the time,” says Susan Trombetti, matchmaker.
If you’re pretty sure you’ve found “the one”, and all signs point to a happy ending: You’re compatible, you’re comfortable, and you’re madly in love. So, why do you get the nagging sense that you’re still afraid of settling down? The thing is, even if you’re super satisfied with your current relationship, it’s still possible to feel hesitant when it comes to committing forever.
Millennials are significantly less likely to be married in their 20s than previous generations, according to a 2014 report by The Pew Research Center. Meanwhile, a 2015 Gallup poll found that marriage among 30-somethings dropped 10 percentage points between 2004 and 2014 alone. Gallup researchers have concluded that “young adults are not simply swapping marriage for living together, but rather staying single longer. This doesn’t necessarily mean young adults are staying out of relationships, just that they are less likely to be making the more serious commitment associated with moving in together — whether in marriage or not.”
Suspect that you may fear commitment?
Your gut instincts are powerful, and they are usually trying to tell you something that you need to acknowledge to grow. Either way, it’s important to keep in mind that hesitance to commit doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you, or that you aren’t capable of having a healthy, lasting relationship. Getting to the bottom of your fears, however, will help you to better understand what steps to take in your current situation. You may get some signals which show that you’re scared to settle down — even with the person you suspect may be “the one.”
Though you are fantasizing and visualizing the kind of life you want to spend with your partner, you don’t want to be in a long-term commitment. This situation needs some serious introspection and not some quick-fix solution, after all a lot is at stake when want to settle down or don’t want to settle down.
It is believed that if you have “difficulty initiating or following through with a discussion about plans or fantasies with your partner,” you could be scared of settling down.
“When we are confident that we have found the person that we want to settle down with, it is an instinct to be excited and fantasize about plans together such as going away on vacations, living together, having a family together, etc,” – Forshee.
If you are dating someone and struggling to tell other people in your life about it, that could indicate that you’re scared of commitment, says Forshee. “When we feel confident and secure in a relationship with our partner, we want people important to us to know about them,” she says. “Not only do we want them to know about our partner but, we also feel proud to give them the label of our life partner.”
This way we notice that the definition or essence of settling down may have transformed, but its basic premise of commitment and dedication remains the same. You can take help to work around your fears and decide which way to swing your life to settle down in life.
This way you will be happyHo, and you will spread happiness!