Infidelity is interpreted as the most hellish event that can befall any relationship. If you ask any lay man what happens in the aftermath of one partner having cheated on another, “break-up” is the most frequent answer you’ll receive, without a doubt.
The term has been locked in a dark room since the mid eighteenth century, thanks to romanticism, whose founders were often men who had the luxury to wander through lush green pathways all day long, on filled stomachs and with a roof to return to. These men were far far away from the realities of a union of two people, often found sitting in a bubble of their own. And it is the opinion of such people which we follow till date when we think of love, thanks to the mindless popularisation of romanticism by movies, songs, novels and what not! These men believed sex to not just be a physical act but a summation and central symbol of love. You could only lie in the warm embrace of someone you loved, someone you cared about in the long term. Happy Ho organizes best Meditation and Tarot classes in Noida and Delhi NCR area in India.
But before romantics got an opportunity to wander through the fields, love and sex were seen as two different acts. Romeo could love Juliet but could have sex with her best friend, without any dire consequences. To put it straight, one could sleep with someone without loving them and one could love someone without wanting to sleep with them.
It was this statement that romanticism refused to accept. Sex had to be the crowning moment for two lovers only, a moment in which they made a commitment to each other and each other only. After this was written down, sex could no longer be seen as an act devoid of love, of the want to care for someone immensely. And this is what turned infidelity into a catastrophe.
But if you give it a second thought, the act needlessly not always reflect on the poor character of the culprit or the victim lacking in some core manner. It could just simply be an act of the passing, to explore erotic excitement with a person while remaining sincerely committed to one’s life partner.
Thanks to our culture, this thought and its believability might seem next to impossible. But when patiently explored, the mind of an unfaithful partner might reveal how the act meant nothing, how it is possible to care deeply for someone and yet entertain a sexual fantasy with another.
The best way to recover after an infidelity is therefore, to throw away what the romantics wrote and to rely on something much more resourceful – what we ourselves took infidelity to mean the last time the idea merely passed through our minds or our lives. Based on this understanding– with considerable pain of course – might come a day when we are able to forgive and even in a way understand and accept the apologies of a repentant partner.