Nandita Kochar
I wish to start this article by first stating that jealousy is not a sign of love.
Phew. Now that I’ve made the air clear, let me jot down some actual motives that might push one to become jealous:
- Low self-esteem
- Feelings of insecurity and possessiveness
- Neuroticism: Unstable moods, thoughts and emotions accompanied by anxiety
- Feeling that you are not good enough for your better half
- Heavy dependence on your partner
- Having an anxious attachment style, where you are constantly worried that your partner might leave you or not love you enough
So if your partner is exhibiting unnecessary jealousy, what can you do? Well, instead of walking out on them or telling them how obnoxious they sound, you might want to let them finish talking, sit them down on a sofa, hug them (if they let you) and reassure them of your love for them. Let them know that you still find them attractive and are interested in them. You can also try explaining everything as it happened, in a very calm fashion. Answer their questions with utmost honesty. This might help destroy the dark seeds of jealousy slowly. Happy Ho organizes best Meditation and Tarot classes in Noida and Delhi NCR area in India.
And please remember that your partner’s jealousy is about them and not you, whenever you find yourself internalizing their difficult dark thoughts about you.
And if you are the jealous partner, here are some ways in which you can help yourself:
- Avoid situations that arouse false suspicion. So no more snooping on your partner’s phone, email or Facebook account. Remember that your brain is hungry for something that can be used to frame your partner. Once it finds that, the search for evidence starts. And this leads to even more snooping and monitoring. And jealousy. It’s a vicious cycle!
- Work on building trust in your own self and your relationship
- Communicate with your partner in a manner that is direct but not accusatory and hostile. Blame is not going to help you feel any better. Explain your feelings as they are, in a calm manner. And then ask your partner to help you find a solution.
Coming from a place where you’ve been cheated on does explain the jealousy. But feeling this way over insignificant things is not going to only burden you but also your partner. So maybe it’s time to take hold of your heart and tell it that it can’t be right every single time.
