You are driving in the rain, listening to nice music and suddenly a song breaks the spell and throws you in the middle of a painful memory. Same can happen while watching a movie or just sitting in a café with your friends. A song, a familiar looking voice or person, or even a smell triggers memories of incidents and people which might have been happy then but are painful now.
Till the time we learn to let go, we can never get over these painful thoughts which ruin our happiness and peace of mind.
Stop looking at what you don’t want to see, and soon you’ll see it no longer, says Guy Finley, author of ‘The Secret of Your Immortal Self: Key Lessons for Realizing the Divinity Within’.
Can it be done? Yes, one step at a time and with determination. Here are a few suggestions:
- Whenever you get that feeling of sadness and loss, check your thoughts. Stop the mental replay of these thoughts by becoming aware of the negative.
- Be completely present in any activity or conversation you are in. Ask yourself, ‘Am I focusing on the task at hand?’, ‘Am I able to mentally note my surroundings and fully understand what is being said?’ Once you start giving everyday activities your full attention, memories would become less and less painful.
- Treat these painful memories as unnecessary baggage. Travel light, let go off the heavy baggage of unnecessary memories and feel the difference.
- Be aware that you are missing out on many beautiful moments in life, by reliving the past memories. Live in the moment, notice your surroundings, give importance to people around you.
- Meditation is strongly recommended as a powerful tool to cultivate present awareness, and helps you be in the eternal now. It enables you to acknowledge your past pain and allows it to heal like a wound.
- An advice given by many masters is to spend time in learning new skills, it helps you concentrate, be in the moment and feel happy
- Another recommendation is crying your heart out. It helps in releasing harmful chemicals build up in your body, and makes you feel better
- Walking too is a rewarding positive action – greener the surroundings better it works. A rigorous walk fills your lungs with oxygen, which raises your spirits by decreasing stress hormones and increasing endorphins, chemicals that improve your state of mind.
- Give an outlet to your pain through a creative pursuit like art, singing, writing. It would also remind you that you want to forget your past pain.
- Another effective idea is to wear a band on your wrist and tug on it gently if you find yourself obsessing over painful memories. It helps in bringing you back to present
- Look for a closure. Express your feelings in a letter and destroy it.
- When you look at your past memories – gently tell yourself that the person you are missing is not an angel – remember the bad with the good. It helps in keeping things in right perspective.
- Never mope that you are single. There is a lot to do as a single you – be yourself and love yourself
- Delete memories you have stored – pictures, mails, phone numbers and give away the gifts. Ideally it should be the first step you take.
- Lastly, each time your mind replays the incident, or replays the memory, you relive the pain and destroy you mental equilibrium. In case you are not able to help them deal that pain seek counselling.
Happy Ho provides best Meditation classes and yoga classes in Noida and Delhi NCR India area.
