Jwalant Swaroop
One question that frequently comes from many young people today is: “Do I really love this person?”
When I ask a simple counter-question, “What is love?” the answers often reveal a deeper confusion. For many, love appears to mean constant access to another person’s time, attention, emotions, and choices. It is expressed through phrases such as “my man” or “my woman.” The language itself suggests ownership. Boundaries are crossed, personal space is reduced, and emotional dependence is mistaken for intimacy.
But is that really love? Or have we unconsciously replaced love with possession?
Love is the most powerful positive force available to human beings. It has the ability to heal, unite, nurture, and elevate consciousness. Yet when it becomes a means to control another person, it loses its essence and turns into attachment. Attachment says, “I need you. Love says, “I celebrate you.”Attachment fears freedom. Love gives freedom.
One of the most beautiful examples of this understanding can be found in the relationship between Radha and Krishna. Radha did not hold Krishna back or demand that he remain in Vrindavan. She gave him the freedom to fulfill his destiny and become Dwarkadheesh. Physically they were separated, yet spiritually they remained one.
Their bond transcended distance, time, and circumstance. It reflected the deeper truth of Advaita, the experience of oneness. In that state, love is not dependent upon physical proximity. It becomes a communion of consciousness.
The Sufi tradition speaks of a similar truth through the idea of Ishq. For the Sufis, love is not ownership but dissolution of the ego. The lover does not seek to possess the beloved, the lover seeks to disappear into love itself. True Ishq is about transcending the boundaries of the self. Love became a path to awakening. The beloved became a doorway to the Divine.
Modern relationships often struggle because they are built on expectations rather than understanding. We expect another person to complete us, validate us, entertain us, and remove our loneliness. Such expectations place an impossible burden on relationships.
What is often called love today is frequently a mixture of attraction, emotional dependency, social validation, material comfort, and physical desire. There is nothing wrong with attraction or desire. Problems arise when they are mistaken for love itself.
Osho beautifully said, “If you love a flower, don’t pluck. Because if you pluck it up, it dies and ceases to be what you love. So if you love a flower, let it be.” In those few words lies the essence of both Advaita and Ishq.
Perhaps this is where modern society faces a silent crisis. Despite unprecedented connectivity, many people feel emotionally unfulfilled. We have mastered communication but forgotten communion.
True love creates a space where two individuals can grow, evolve, and flourish while remaining deeply connected. In real relationships, ask not, “How can I keep this person with me?”but rather, “How can I contribute to this person’s growth and happiness?”
A relationship becomes beautiful not when two people hold on to each other tightly, but when they trust each other enough to grow freely while walking together.
And in that freedom lies the deepest secret shared by Advaita, Sufism, and every great spiritual tradition: when the ego disappears, love remains. Where love remains, separation disappears.
